I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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