Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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