So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
