it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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