Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
