I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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