Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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