its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
