What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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