I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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