So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize