And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
