OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
