OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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