U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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