i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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