I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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