I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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