your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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