Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
