Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think your dad took our porno
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
