I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pop tarts are not kleenex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
