So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
