i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
