I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found puke in my bra..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
