That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize