when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
