So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
