I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
