Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
