Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
