She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
