I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize