Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
