he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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