you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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