the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
