The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
