Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
