I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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