Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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