I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
