You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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