Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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