why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
