y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
