I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
