in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
