I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
