i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
