She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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