that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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