he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
