you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
