I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
