I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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