My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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