Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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