So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
