i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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