it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
