Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
