it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
