Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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