The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
