i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
