When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
