I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
