He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
