pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
