Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
