if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
