So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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