I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
