I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
