Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want nice things and good sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
