next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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