i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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